Tag Archives: christmas
Occupy Wall Street, Occupy Oakland, Occupy Spokane. The self-proclaimed 99 percent (working class American citizens) are protesting the 1 percent (the “big bad” corporate “monsters”) who currently have the most money in America.
However, what most Americans aren’t realizing is that this problem isn’t just in our nation alone. It’s not in Greece or Egypt either. The problem is at the North Pole.
Santa Claus is one of the most prolific toy makers to plague the world. His reign over polar toy factories and vertically challenged slaves is coming to an end. It’s up to the entire world to unite this holiday season and combat against Santa to earn what we deserve. Christmas presents.
Old Saint Nick has no reason to hold out on sharing his gifts with the world. The people of the world (or maybe just greedy, first-world countries) are waiting, in awe, for a little something extra this Holiday season. With more than one world economy in the dumps currently, Santa Claus is being the world’s biggest scrooge.
Many 99 percent families are worried about how they will afford all the gifts their children want. They need a hero like Kris Kringle to come and bail them out when they most need it. It’s hard to find a job while protesting and camping out in public parks. It’s time for the 99 percent to shift focus from Wall Street to the North Pole.
In a bloody revolution, the 99% will take over the North Pole. Santa will not continue his era of tyranny, slavery and cutthroat competition. If Santa does not turn over his toys, the nations of the world will begin to occupy the North Pole. Santa, we’re giving you until December 25.
By JAKE TOEWS